Dave Concannon

This is a guest post by Giang Biscan Phd. Read more about Giang at the bottom of this post.

7:00 am: Happy music!  Thanks to a music alarm app, I am up and ready for the day.

8:30am: Brainstorming and collaborating with others.  Thanks to Google docs, Basecamp, Codeita, Mindomo…

12:30am: Staying in touch with my friends through twitter and emails while I am out for lunch. Thanks Seesmic, Hootsuite, and other mobile apps.

5:00pm: Magic moment at the playground with my kids.  My phone can capture and upload it instantly for my family & friends in Asia and Australia to see.

6:30pm: Driving to a startup event to mingle with other startup entrepreneurs. The trusted voice of my GPS guides me there.

3:00am: Conference call with a development team in India. Vokle, Skype or Tinychat allow that.

And publishing this to you right now?  Thanks, Wordpress.

I am never ceased to be amazed at how much technology is allowing us to do today.  Throughout the day, integrated in almost every one of our activities, we are surrounded and supported by amazing technology. Things that seemed so science fiction not that long ago, or even dreamed or thought of, is now at our finger tips.  We are in control. But this article is not about technology.  It’s about people. (Before I go on, please allow me to thank Dave for the opportunity to guest post here on his blog.  It is an honor. The honor is all mine Giang!)

Technology or People?

Whatever the technology, there are people behind it.  Creating. Building. Using.  Sharing. Thriving.  This is why wise investors like Fred Wilson (@fredwilson), Chris Dixon (@cdixon) or Mark Suster (@msuster) and many others make their investment decisions based mainly on people: the team or the entrepreneurs behind the startups.  How incredible is that?  We, someone, many among us, are making it happen.  These are people that aren’t just strangers or celebrities you read about in magazines or see on TV -  these are people like you and me, in the startup/entrepreneurial community (and beyond) that we are friends with, talk to, meet at events, or are at least within reach.

I love this quote:

You are those you surround yourself with

That quote is true either ways you look at it: how you see yourself inside, and how others see you from the outside.  Whether you like to admit it or not, the people around you have a huge influence on who you are, how you think and what you do.  Sometimes the influence is affirmative: we admire/respect someone and want to do things similar ways.  Sometimes the opposite is true.  We learn what not to do by making assessment about someone around us.

The Power of Referral

As for outsiders, you could try to sell yourself by saying how fantastic you are.  But the real impact to the outsiders’ opinions come from those surrounding you.  I am not just talking about “designated” people who give references about you, but also people that others may hear or observe about you from.  Check this tweet by Francisco Dao about how he screens people for his by-invitation-only event “The Retreat“. That type of 3rd party opinion is often considered less biased, and thus has a real impact.

So if we know that we ARE “those we surround ourselves with”, why wouldn’t we try to surround ourselves with bright, energetic, ambitious, supportive, thoughtful (insert more positive words here) people?  What if you don’t have the right people around you right now? Well, then start!  It is never too late.  Life is a journey, it’s not a dress rehearsal for a one-off performance.

This is a high level step by step of how I am approaching it:

How to Surround Yourself with Great People

• Step 1: Set goals before decide the type of people you like to surround yourself with:

I took it as an important task to think about my goals in life as in who I want to be and what I want to do before deciding on the types of people I like to have around me.  It’s like Dr. Stephen Covey said “Begin with the end in mind”.  Or as Simon Sinek’s approach: Figure out your “Why” first, and everything else will become obvious.

• Step 2: Figure out the right environment:

Figure out the types of environments that the people you like would likely be spending time in.  I love the startup community and love to surround myself with other startup entrepreneurs.  The natural environments for us are (surprise, surprise!) the internet such as twitter, Mixergy, Hacker News, blogs, ThisWeekIn network, and offline at various startup events.

• Step 3: Emerge in the right environments:

Once you figured out the right environment, what are you waiting for? For me, it’s full on.  This is my philosophy: No watching from the sideline.  I will write more about this on my blog later, but I truly believe that you should jump right in. Blog.  Tweet.  Events. Whatever it takes.  You can only surround yourself with the right people if you meet the right people.  A great way to meet people is to put yourself out there.  Mark Suster has written some great articles about this.  See for example an article about why you should write a blog, or how great Twitter is to connect with others.

• Step 4: Focus on building relationships:

This is a huge topic, but the fundamentally very simple. Focus on building relationships.  That means focusing on giving, creating value, rather than “what can this person do for me”.  Gary Vaynerchuk often talks about how he is comfortable for the giving balance to be 80% of giving on his side in any relationships (see for example this chat with Kathy Sierra). Gary is a living proof that giving and genuinely caring about people are the golden ticket here.  I will be writing more about this topic on my blog, but don’t worry about getting the short end.  If you focus on giving, the universe has its way of rewarding you in much bigger ways.

On a side note, if you admire someone, and think that they are out of reach, it’s time to think again.  Reach out.  They are more accessible than you think.

• Step 5: Never burn bridges.

Many people can rattle this off the tip of their tongues, but not many live by this:  Never burn bridges.

Unlike financial bankruptcy where your credit record legally comes clean after 7(?) years, the record for some relationship bankruptcies NEVER reset. Never burnings bridges means never deliberately making someone look bad, or do things that harm them.  Even when it’s good for your ego, or business,  or whatever.  If you, hopefully accidentally, do something that may hurt a relationship, make sure you go out of your way to fix it.  We are all human, so mistakes are sometimes forgiven, providing that you show sincere remorse.  If you did everything you could to fix a mistake and it still didn’t work, learn from the experience and move on.  “A friendship lost is one that never was.”  Even after a fall out, keep the door open to allow the other persons to come back and a chance for the relationship to heal.  Never say never. There will be people you meet that you do not want to surround yourself with.  Just politely stay away.

These are the steps that I have been following.  They have helped me meet and create hugely rewarding friendships with many people that I respect and admire.  You may call it technology.  You may call it business.  You may call it networking.  Everything to me is about people and relationships.  Obviously you have your own ways of approaching this, and I would love to hear it, if you are willing to share here in the comments.

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Giang Biscan, PhD is the Producer of Mixergy.com and AsAble.com.  She loves the startup community.

Catch her on Twitter at @giangbiscan, her blog at AsAble.com, on #StartupWeekly chat every Monday at 12pm PST, or in person at many startup events.

Giang is an inspiring and generous entrepreneur – you should connect with her on twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/giangbiscan

Keith Ferrazzi is a fanatical connector; someone who goes out of his way to meet new and interesting people. It’s this rabid interest to connect with others, and subsequently introduce his connections to each other that he attributes a lot of his success.   In “Never Eat Alone“, Mr Ferrazzi takes the reader through the mindset of some of the most powerful connectors on the planet, before gradually introducing some of the key concepts he uses to meet those he doesn’t know.

Early in his career, Keith’s ambition had turned him into ‘a jerk’ – Ignoring his peers, but going out of his way to catch the attention of his bosses. Eventually one of these bosses informed him that in order to succeed as a manager, you have to enable those around you to be successful. This simple advice the essence of his book – Do good work by allowing others to succeed.

Much of the advice reminds me of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People“. He provides solid reasoning as to why you might want to follow his advice, clear examples of what to do (and what not to do), and case studies of famous super-connectors.

I really enjoyed this book, not only is it solid advice but it’s clear that Mr Ferrazzi truly believes what he writes. Recommended!

As most people grow in maturity they realise that to improve themselves and advance their position in life, time needs to be spent analyzing faults and setting aside a little time to correct errant habits. Despite the years accumulated by millions of people reclining in quiet reflective introspection, there is still one primal instinct that even the most educated scholar will succumb to – Schadenfreude. Anyone who has experienced the childhood mortification of dozens of peers convulsing with laughter at your misfortune understands with painful clarity the double-edged sword of social interaction; by laughing at someone in distress you tempt the gods to smite you with something even more tragically humourous.

It was with this in mind that I carefully hid the cover of Dale Carnige’s 1937 bestseller “How to win friends and influence people” from everyone and anyone around me. This book has the unfortunate side-effect of convincing random passersby that the reader is a social pariah who is both unable to make friends and who also cannot influence people. The adjusted cover of “How to burn orphanages” ensured that I was free from literary shouldersurfers on the bus home.

Before I read this book I would have dismissed it as a cynical manual to allow manipulative conmen to talk old ladies out of their retirement money. Thankfully this is not the case. Dale Carnige presents a few common sense concepts to allow you to see the best in the people you interact with. Whats more, the slightly archaic language of the book makes for a very amusing read. Pedestrian anecdotes take on a brand new sheen when your inner monologue has been convinced you are listening to the advice of Montgomery Burns.

The book is divided into three main areas: Fundamental techniques in handling people, ways to make people like you, and ways to win people to your way of thinking. Within a business context it is critical to be able to convince people of the validity of your ideas; whether giving an “elevator pitch” to a potential investor on a chance encounter or as a manager trying to convince their team to take a certain direction. Countless tomes have been written on developing “rapport” with people in an attempt to sell them something, the author of this book has taken a much simpler tack; if you want people to like you, why not be a likeable person?

• Become genuinely interested in other people – Instead of adopting cynical tactics to garner someone’s approval, why not really try to understand their point of view? Take a step back and understand the person behind the role they fulfill. It should be rewarding in itself. People are interesting.
• Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain – Nobody likes a moaner. If you are constantly promoting negative qualities you will be seen in a negative light, the sort of person who seems to carry a “dark cloud” around with them. If you need to bring up a negative issue try to express it in terms of what the required action is rather then what someone did wrong. Convert criticism into useful suggestions.
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphaticially – There is nothing more infuriating then someone who is never wrong, even when all the evidence points to the contrary. You learn from your mistakes; no mistakes – no learning. Admitting your faults affords those around you the luxury of making mistakes themselves.
• Get the other person agreeing early – If you are trying to persuade someone of the merits of an idea, start off small. Have them agree to the minor points of discussion, and build up more agreement before moving towards the main point you need approval for. The process of saying “yes, yes” pushes them into a positive frame of mind.

This book is a thoroughly enjoyable read – an original “feel-good” book. Whether or not I’m making more friends or influencing more people as a result of it, the concepts it espouses are genuinely worth understanding. In a world of constant communication, lessons such as these are invaluable.